Time to Let it Go

There are advantages to having a shortened memory, perhaps not for everyone, but it may be a benefit for those who don’t remember why they went into a room.

Afterall, if you fail to remember bad deeds you happily move on with little regard to the damage you left behind.

My mother once described my father’s temper eruptions, which he exhibited on multiple occasions, this way: “He explodes, tearing through people’s lives like a tornado. Once his temper tantrum is over, he is fine, while the rest of us are left picking up the emotional debris.”

Dad was not physically violent to anyone, well almost everyone, but he might put a fist through a wall, kick an inanimate item to his detriment, and certainly yelling his anger for all to hear.

I do recall Dad ending up in the hospital after kicking a roller when another web break stopped the printing press. The roller hadn’t finished rolling and it rolled right over dad’s foot cutting off one of his toes. A few hours later he was upright in his hospital bed, laughing about the injury and showing off his toe stump.

The pressmen and my mom were still traumatized over the incident, while Dad had moved on, apparently taking it in stride.

What brought up these memories was my awareness someone still avoids speaking to me because of some action I took or didn’t take 23 years ago. I did apologize, but apparently it was not sufficient enough to erase the damage. I don’t recall what I did to alienate this one-time friend, but apparently it was monumental.

The sad thing about this is I have dispensed with the emotion, but the negative energy continues to hover and cloud the air around us. I don’t have many such reactions from people, but when I do, I wonder why I don’t remember what colossal misstep created division.

And I wonder if the person remembers why they are angry or hurt or disgusted or disappointed with me.

I have to look at my own reactions to people, trying to recall what keeps me from holding out my hand to a perceived offender and letting that energy dissipate. I may enjoy feeling anger, improperly treated, or hurt, but continuing to feel like a victim isn’t the happiest way to live.

I think it may be far better to set a time limit of how long you will be angry with someone. What would be reasonable? If I said something hurtful, maybe that would last a few weeks, once I gave an apology. If I didn’t apologize, they have the option of not going to dinner with me again for a month.

Or if I took an action that was rude, maybe after they complained to me pointing out my misbehavior they could avoid me for a couple of months.

Or if I did physical damage to someone and didn’t seem repentant in the least, a year might suffice to walk across the street to avoid speaking to me.

But 20 plus years? That’s a lot of baggage and lots of years to keep hauling stuff around unnecessarily. No wonder we get stooped over as we age, we probably are carrying lots of hurt or ego crushing trash that should be left on the curbside of time.

By disposing of this rotting garbage we can move on lighter, having dumped old hurts, and forgetting and forgiving those foolish actions we all make.