Making a List

Another shoe dropped today, one I didn’t know I had been wearing.

I may have sensed I was a bit out of balance, but I hadn’t thought through the issues.

What I’m writing about is my unease with feeling overwhelmed. That’s never been something I’ve noticed in my life of an overfilled calendar. In fact, the busier the better.

I have seldom, if ever, been concerned with keeping up with how full my day was. I think back of marrying a man with four children, learning to cook while attempting to discover the inner workings of teenagers’ minds, starting a new business while saying my wedding vows, and moving into a house with one bathroom.

It never crossed my mind to make a list of what I needed to do. I just did whatever was in front of me. Nor did I get anxious when I didn’t get it all done, I just shrugged my shoulders and thought I’d catch up the next day.

But lately, I can’t seem to stay on top of tasks, duties, promises, dates, without becoming a worry wart that there are not enough hours in my day.

And I’m retired, for goodness sakes. What do I have to do each day?

But I had a revelation today as I walked from one meeting to another: I need to make a list, or several lists. I’ve never needed one before, but I can’t seem to stay on top of things. And the more I think about the things I’m not getting done, the more behind I seem to get.

When I came home from the second meeting, I immediately started writing a list of various things I needed to accomplish, do, think about, worry about. No wonder I was a wreck…the list went on and on and on.

For years I laughed at friends who made lists, wondering why they found it necessary, or satisfying. But today, I felt the joy of taking a piece of paper and quickly marking items down that seemed to beg for my time. And once I had a good start, I kept adding to it.

Did it ease my stress? In certain ways, yes. But when the numbered list got to be over 15 items, I realized it was time to start cutting things out, like do I really need to play games on my computer for an hour or two today? Or, how important is it to delete the 2,000 pictures from my photo file that are duplicates of thousands of other photos of the same waterfall?

“Prioritize Margo,” I hear myself saying. I must make some decisions about my time. The dogs must be fed and taken on walks. Are those tasks more important than my hour or so on the game sites? The answer depends on whether it is for my benefit or the dogs’benefit. So, yes, I feed the dogs and get them on leashes for their morning sniffing excursion. Just means I may not have time for a long lunch break, because I certainly can’t shorten the time for game playing.

I’m very happy I have found this list making solution. And I send my apologies to all those snide and sarcastic remarks I made to the list makers in my life. I’ve joined your ranks, and now I need to buy more paper.

Put that on your list, Margo, right after you put that dropped shoe back on.