Rent-a Man
(I just found this piece I began in late 2019 and decided to finish it. And, no, I am not advertising for a gigolo!)
Since losing my husband I have had many moments that I not only miss him for obvious reasons, but I’ve also come to greatly appreciate and miss the small daily services he provided. I am writing this piece for other new widows who are not looking to marry again but wish they had a man they could magically call upon to help them with certain little tasks such as… The first time I noticed the void, I was dressing for church. I had no one to tell me if I needed a breath mint or to check if my dark navy skirt clashed with my lighter navy shoes. Because of lack of confidence, I was uncomfortable during much of the church service that morning.
I have two necklaces that I absolutely cannot fasten without looking at the clasps. I’ve tried turning them around to the front and using my mirror but the image is backwards and this throws me off. I end up fiddling with them for so long I see I am running late so I put the necklace away and choose another. Someone finally told me about the magnets one can order over the net. These work. But I had to ask my neighbor to attach them.
Folding bed linens from the dryer…I use king size sheets and these things are so voluminous they are nearly impossible to fold one-handed. I have tried draping them over the furniture but the ends still don’t properly meet and match. I often give up and throw the things on the living room floor and “walk” around the edges, while tugging the folds into place. This is not the most sanitary method. While almost falling asleep on Wednesday nights, I need someone to check all the garbage, be sure it is in the POA can, and placed outside before 7 a.m. Thursday morning. I only have two dresses that have back zippers and they are two of my favorites. You should watch the crazy maneuvering I make in trying to get those things up the last five inches to the top. Thankfully, one is a sheath dress, so I just put it on backwards, zip it up to the top then turn it to the back and wiggle my arms through the sleeves. Widowhood calls for ingenuity at times.
Whenever a violent thunderstorm blows over from Oklahoma and thunder, lightning and high winds are raging, I try to do what the weatherman advises— go immediately to my safe place. Mine is on the downstairs level and I want someone to gather flashlight and other necessities, accompany me downstairs and comfort me until the storm passes.
After the storm is over, I find debris covering my very long, uphill driveway. As you know, yard men do not come at a moment’s notice. Also, I do not want my friend and neighbor, Ruthie, to take pity on me and come over to do mine when I know she’s tired from cleaning her own driveway. But she will attempt to do it every time.
One of my biggest needs appears anytime an appliance goes out or I have computer and/ or printer problems. It took me three days to learn to clean the “needles “ on my Keurig coffee machine and longer than that to install the new Whirlpool water filter on my refrigerator.
Then, there is April 15 approaching and I am bumfuzzled about the different documents I need to take to the CPA. The first frost of winter approaches and I need help transporting the outside plants inside to keep them from freezing. This is after I have gone outside, shivering, and protected eight faucets. When I become hungry after a long day of writing and I am too tired to cook I want to ask someone to go outside the gate and bring home take-out. The first chore I had to re-learn was pumping gasoline. I did it years ago but the pumps have changed the directions. I end up twisting the hose around backwards and dripping gas on my shoes.
These are only a few tasks that we new widows dread doing alone. I’m sure other ladies can add her personal fears to the list. These fears and needs only add to our mourning. Yet, we don’t want to admit our helplessness by calling on others for assistance. We are too proud, I guess. And I hate the thought of inconveniencing others regardless how close the friend happens to be. I do not want another husband. I only need assistance at times. So if I could just turn to the yellow pages and find a reputable company such as “ACME RENT A-MAN”, I would have many of my problems solved. I could simply make a call, verify his qualifications and integrity, have him come right out without delay, perform the job, and promptly leave. Anyone out there interested in starting such a business? I assure you there IS a need.