Mother’s Day

That Little Voice

My need to be a mother was stunted somewhere between the ages of 3 and 15, leaving me baffled by the annual Mother’s Day celebration.

I’m not confused by the desire to thank our mothers; I’m just perplexed why anyone would want to be a mother.

Yes, I hear the gasps of horror coming from most of the female species, and about half of the male population (men are delighted they aren’t relegated to that role). It’s not a ‘normal’ attitude to reject motherhood especially if you are a woman.

Make no mistake, I don’t judge those brave, hardworking, underpaid, self-sacrificing ladies who birth the next generation, I am simply dumbfounded and relieved I didn’t get the ‘selfless’ gene necessary to insist on pregnancy as a personal goal.

Growing up I never envisioned myself surrounded with children. In fact, kids intimidated me, made me nervous and gave me a feeling of inadequacy and fear. Babysitting was not a parttime job I sought. Delivering newspapers, cleaning printers ink from bathroom sinks, sweeping metal shavings from the newspaper’s back office, those were the tasks I could tackle with eagerness and competency.

Changing diapers, entertaining three-year-olds, outwitting those junior high brats, never appealed to me. And being interested in sitting through endless t-ball games played by eightyear- old grandchildren, certainly has not ignited a blaze of awe and wonderment within my soul.

I can applaud, appreciate, and admire those who love childrearing. In fact, I marvel at their patience, their endurance and their selflessness, and some days I envy them.

But then reality sets in and I remember what a pain I was, how demanding and often mean-spirited teenager I became, and the many decisions I made disappointing my own mother.

I will be ever grateful for my Mom and the sacrifices she made in raising three daughters while she worked fulltime along with my father publishing weekly newspapers. And I will be indebted to my grandmother who adored me, or acted like she did, never letting on if I drove her crazy.

I will also take thanks from those unborn children I did not birth. I’m certain they know how fortunate they were not coming into this world under my tutelage.