Marrying a Texan
This is the latest in a series of columns from new Fayette County resident Julia Thiessen, who grew up in Russia.
A lot can be said about the differences between nations, but in the end we are all humans on planet Earth. As a result, being from different nations people are very close to their views on life and values. I want to tell you my experiences where Russian family closeness comes from and why it is different from American family closeness. We have many similarities but are still different and that is OK.
What was amazing to me when I would come to the United States to visit my boyfriend (now husband), is that many people accepted me just as I was. I did not have to pretend to be someone I was not. It still amazes me after all these years. I still remember when I met my husband’s parents for the first time. Imagine, arriving from Russia the day before Christmas only to have my bag lost with everything; some presents, my clothes, my makeup, etc. To make matters worse, La Grange is too far for a luggage courier service from Houston IAH. I was very distraught. We decided to stay at a hotel close to the airport since the airline promised to have my bag in Houston on Christmas. Russians do not really trust strangers, so I just had to hope for the best, and fortunately the miracle happened. We were on our way to La Grange and still had to stop on the way for me to get ready to meet his parents. When we arrived they were as welcoming as they could be, which was totally unexpected from my Russian culture perspective. But, we became very close friends in a very short time since we spent a lot of time talking during my visits. I’m very glad I was able to meet and get to know my husband’s father since he passed away a few years later. All three of my husband’s sisters were extremely nice to me right from the beginning welcoming me and making me feel a part of the family – a family atmosphere I did not truly know in Russia.
I think I need to explain why it was so different for me. As I said earlier, Russians do not trust anybody, especially strangers. This has been part of our culture for close to one thousand years. We do not call many people friends; we use another word – acquaintances. You know them, talk to them maybe every day but they are not really close; it comes down to our Russian history. During Soviet times many people were prosecuted for no real reason, nobody really knows why. A neighbor could see something they didn’t like and report it to the authorities, and the next day the person was gone. Families were just as guilty in turningin their very own. Very few came back.
Stories passed down by my grandparents and parents included my great-grandfather being taken away from the family in 1936 because the authorities found a Bible he kept for his mother. He was convicted and sentenced to prison for three years, but he never returned to the family. His wife would receive letters supposedly from him, although years later my grandmother learned that he had been killed in the prison camp early in his sentence and never sent the letters. During this time in Soviet times, if you were related to ‘the enemy of the nation,’ you couldn’t be a part of the Communist party, secure a good job, or anything. A person was treated as an outcast. This resulted in my great-grandmother having to wash floors in rest rooms to provide for her three children. Later my grandmother was accepted into the Communist party primarily because someone important said that the daughter is not responsible for her father. During WWII you could go to jail just because you were captured by the Germans. It was a hard time for people. My grandfather on my mother’s side of the family was reprimanded and almost fired from the main Russian airline when he refused to spy and report on his colleagues in the 1970s. My grandfather was a proud but temperamental man and became physical with the individual that wanted him to spy. As a result, he was demoted from flying and then moved to control tower operations. There are many more stories that others could share, but these are some of only my family’s stories.
I always wanted to be a part of a big family and here I am: my husband has three sisters and their families. My husband has his daughter and son-in-law with their young daughter in La Grange. For me, being an only child, this is a huge and wonderful difference. There is always something going on and I love family gatherings. The last one we had was in October 2025 when my husband and I had our church wedding celebration at our home in Roznov. It was a special time, and I was very glad that my Russian family was able to be here as well: my mom, uncle, and aunt were able to join us in our celebration.
My mother-in-law recently turned 90. I was honored to be included in the family gathering even though it had to be online via FaceTime since I’m still in Moscow waiting on my visa process. Even though I was around the world, I was able to meet new people from the family, and to talk for a little bit. I really wish I could have been there.
Russian history demonstrates a lot of distrust within people in the country and it is still there; 35 years after the Soviet Union fell. The United States is very different in this regard and I love it.