Managing The Holiday Blues/Anxiety

The ‘holiday blues’ is more than just an expression; unfortunately, it is a very real experience for many. As the holiday season arrives, all the happiness and excitement that goes with the gatherings and festivities that are meant to bring joy, fun and pleasure, serve as painful reminders of our losses. And often, ‘the blues’ or depression and anxiety follow.

It is natural that after a loss or trauma or ongoing mental illness, grief develops. In fact, it’s so natural it’s really unavoidable! And grief is painful! Losses can include the death of a loved one, a divorce, a ruptured relationship, a loss of a job, a loss of an ability, a loss of financial security, etc. Grief has many emotions within it, and an individual can cycle through the various emotions of anger, fear, regret, resentment, abandonment, loneliness, depression, anxiety, guilt, shame and others. It’s like walking in a figure eight emotional maze, where one day you feel one way, the next day you feel something totally different. And you keep cycling through the various emotions, sometimes stopping for a while at one emotion, then eventually moving on to another. This can go on for several years as the depth of the emotions gradually decrease. In normal grief, although we never forget our losses, we don’t feel the pain daily or with such strength as time goes on. And eventually, usually 2-3 years, we feel like we are once again fully engaged in life, yes – with many changes – but moving on and not living in the past.

For those suffering grief from major losses, the holiday season can become the most painful time of the year. Grief can turn into immense sorrow, leaving one filled with an aching loneliness, a horrible emptiness and depression. This is really much more than ‘the blues’.

And, there are those that have losses in the past, maybe many losses, that although they feel they’ve moved on, every year as the big holidays approach, they find themselves feeling down and sluggish and not wanting to participate in a lot of the usual holiday activities. They just have too many memories to ignore during all the festivities.

The questions is: how can one get through the holidays when they are grieving, filled with sorrow or feeling blue?

To begin with, allow yourself to feel what you feel; you don’t have to pretend everything is fine. It really is OK to not feel OK. Sadness is natural and tears can be close to the surface. Be honest with yourself and with others when they ask how you are doing. Saying ‘I’m fine’ is not only dishonest but actually can make your grieving and the blues even worse. Try telling folks something like, “Well, it’s a tough time of year for me, but I’m going to work through it.” Real friends will give you a hug, or a compassionate pat, or say they will pray for you. Hug them back and say ‘thank you’, and then move on to another topic. Yes, sometimes people will not know how to respond; but that’s ok. This is not about them, it’s for you to acknowledge how you feel and in the long run it will help you.

Here are a few tips to help you manage the holidays: · Don’t feel you have to participate in all the events and activities going on. Pick and choose what you want to do, and don’t let others push you into something you don’t want to attend.

· Don’t isolate yourself! I know, it sounds like a contradiction but the reality is that staying home all the time will lead to sulking and actually make you more depressed. So, plan when and where you will go.

· Handle your negative feelings in a positive way. Although counseling is always helpful, the reality is that in our rural communities this is hard to come by. So, be your own counselor: write down your feelings, or dictate them into your cell phone in Notes using voice dictation icon.

· If you have gifts to purchase, don’t push yourself into a frenzy at the last moment – that will feed anxiety and depression. And don’t go over the budget you’ve set for yourself. · Schedule time for you to rest and rejuvenate after a big activity. Getting exhausted is another enemy you want to avoid.

· Don’t self-medicate with alcohols, tranquilizers, sleeping pills, pot or the like. It doesn’t work!

· If you are grieving the loss of a loved one and you haven’t already done this, develop a meaningful ritual to memorialize your loved one. S Most importantly, do all you can not to allow yourself to get sucked into a life of hopelessness and despair. You are not alone; others like you are dealing with the difficulties that the holidays produce. Should you want to talk to someone, call or text 988. This is a free, crisis hotline. Counselors are available 24/7.