That Little Voice
That Little Voice
As I age, and that trip is getting faster and faster, I find priorities I have had for years are changing. Habits I thought would be forever are rapidly falling away and replaced with new habits that put less stress on my life.
For instance, I’ve always loved a challenge and sometimes a good argument. My anticipation was poked when something seemed out of reach and I could figure out a way to accomplish it.
I started running obsessively after my 40th birthday. I ran from the edge of my driveway to the edge of my neighbor’s driveway, some 15 feet away, and thought I would die.
The next day I ran double that distance, and the day after, doubled that. Before too long I was running six miles a day, six days a week. And I was addicted to jogging until my hip gave out several years later.
Back then I liked the stress of shortening the time it took to run 6 miles, the rush of finishing a race, the thrill to stay on my feet running on rough surfaces in strange cities.
Today, I have transitioned to slow walking, not seeking speed or distance.
Recently I took on a project that is causing me a great deal of anxiety, time, and concern and I keep wondering why I’m not enjoying this time-consuming and taxing adventure. Just a few years ago I would have grasped the opportunity to test my skills at handling the choices, thinking of the options, finding answers.
I am discovering sitting in a comfortable chair, writing this column or on my blog is far more satisfying. My feet up on a footstool, the dogs sharing my seat, listening to favorite oldies, and wasting away the hours answers my need for a good time.
I want to just be. To relax without goals to attain is lovely. Perhaps boring to those who are still filled with the madness of youth. There is a great deal of pleasure in being sedentary and letting my doglets drag me on their morning walks, especially when going uphill.
Yes, I’ve changed obsessive behavior of action, to obsessive behavior of idleness.
I am appreciating this aging process of laziness. Wonder why I waited so long in trying it?