Keep In Your Heart A Green Bough

“Keep in your heart a green bough And the singing bird will come.”

Do you wish you could improve your life outlook, feel more satisfied with your life, increase your “happiness meter rating” on an average day? Then consider the ancient Chinese proverb above. It holds a meaning similar to advice from the Persian poet Hafez (13101390). These two lines have much wisdom for how all of us could live a happier, more fulfilled life.

One of the take-aways I had from two extended periods of psychological counseling in my life was that only I was in charge of (and responsible for) my own attitude to the world as well as to my own life in it. Nobody else should be expected to make me happy or to do what I “needed” them to do for my happiness.

That was the message my therapists hoped I’d understand early on. But even still more important for my immediate recovery from a serious autoimmunological illness aggravated by emotional stress, I needed to realize I was likewise not responsible for making other people happy.

Of course, I had a life of responsibilities I could not ever ignore (to an employer, for my schoolwork, to anyone I might marry, and others), but none of these meant I should let others rule my life to the point of expecting me to please them with every thought in my head, every word I said, every deed I performed for them or others.

What I needed to realize was that everyone was ultimately responsible for their own happiness or their own life satisfaction, and it was most readily achievable by cultivating a more positive attitude, each to their own lives. For me it meant consciously working on that every single day of my life.

Even knowing that, it was hard for me to be very good at it for years and years. And actually, I still realize once in a while that I have become too introspective and to isolated from friends and family, and it’s time to quit waiting for someone to call me, to grab the phone and call the folks I haven’t heard from lately, whoever they are, however near or far they live from me.

“Keep[ing]... a green bough” is just the nurturing of one’s own soul with thoughts that generate harmonious brain chemicals to soothe and lighten one’s mood, rather than thoughts that turn the heart to stone: keep hope and love alive; banish anger, hate, and regret from your thoughts.

Start the day with a smile when you see your face in the bathroom mirror, never a frown, for that smile (even to yourself.) relaxes facial muscles and itself starts the release of those wonderful brain chemicals that make you feel like a clown rather than a demon.

Don’t believe me? I urge you to try it for yourself – put a sticky note reading “Smile.” on the bathroom mirror. You’ll feel silly doing it, and you might ignore it at first, maybe, but one morning you’ll be tempted to try it. For me, it’s impossible to dry my hands without almost chuckling out loud at myself for doing something so silly: why try to entertain oneself?

Hear this: You are not entertaining yourself, but you are nurturing that green bough. This is more than simple short-term entertainment. It’s long-term mental health and relationship- generating: nobody loves to visit the grumpiest, angriest person in the nursing home or retirement center.

That singing bird needs a place to sing. Why not make it your heart?

[Note from AC: serious depression needs professional medical attention, not this column, as the answer. For that, please seek out a medical doctor or mental health professional as soon as possible.]