Holiday Pleasures
Years ago, I had a relative by marriage who could be painfully honest, even if in a kidding way.
For instance, upon arrival for a three day holiday gathering at their home, he announced as we came up the front steps with five year old Melissa in tow, “Welcome! We’re always glad to see you come. And we’ll be glad to see you go.”
Um. How does one respond to that?
All these decades later, I smile at his remark because I understand exactly what he was saying with such candor after spending last Thursday with a group of 24 and 11 of those were under the age of 16.
I believe many others who hosted Thanksgiving gatherings can also relate. Those responsible for organizing sleeping accommodations and preparing meals for these festive reunions find the experience to be both enjoyable and unsettling.
One morning their lives are sailing along in ways they’ve established as normal and familiar. The next day their world is interrupted by a full house, complete with children and perhaps a yappy pet or two. Suddenly the hosts’world has transformed into a crowded, unfamiliar place.
None of this is said in criticism of family gatherings and meals…especially since this was our first large family event after two years of COVID restrictions. Like some of you, we were trying to reestablish our old family traditions. This column is simply based on my own candid observations after years of both hosting and attending.
Some dynamics in our family have changed over the years. There have been several deaths and two divorces. Blended families now attend. Aunt Maudie becomes most upset when the teens stare at their phones instead of listening to her account of how things were “back in the day” and her tidbits of family history she feels is important to pass along. And why does the 65’ television have to be showing an NFL game while only a few men are interested? Truth is, while most family members can get along for a limited amount of time, others don’t. One unhappy camper or negative person can spoil it all. The negativity is especially obvious when everyone is packed inside four walls due to a rainy Thanksgiving Day. The weather and close surroundings can take a toll on the most positive attitudes.
Feelings are also easily bruised when sons and daughters, now grown up and married, have to juggle time between two families. OR…” Oh no! We forgot to invite Uncle Benjamin’s in laws who are visiting from Omaha. They always include our guests. The frustrations become even worse when “shared” grandchildren and related emotions become involved. And do not even think about bringing politics into the afternoon discussions. Just a mention of “the other side” can be deadly.
Now, for a personal pet peeve…I prefer not having anyone else in my kitchen when I am under pressure to get a meal on the table on time. I use one method of making mashed potatoes while my sister-in-love uses another. I, who you know to be a big talker, do not want a lot of conversation going on in a crowded kitchen. It throws me off. I tend to forget if it is ½ cup or a full cup of sugar. Did I put in the salt already? I did set the timer for the rolls, didn’t I? All this going on while people are discussing the last segment of “Yellowstone.” When I complain, a cousin reminded me this year that conversation was all we used to have before cell phones.
Kids will always be kids and parents are accustomed to their own. Yet for holiday hosts and attendees in their later years (I forget the politically correct term our group is now called), the constant squeals and laughter can become, well, let’s say a “mixed blessing” we haven’t enjoyed in a long time. Reality, unfortunately, often is far different than a Hallmark greeting. Imagine a beautiful card with a snowy scene and a warmly lit cottage that reads: “We’re always glad to see you come! And we’ll be just as happy to see you go!”
Now, if you are hosting this year, don a Santa hat or a head band with reindeer ears because a merry Christmas is right around the corner!
Email Branda Miles at: brenstar61@gmail.com
Miles of Memories