Who Can You Change? Who Can You Control?

The only person you can change is yourself. This is the most important life lesson.

The good news is we can change our behavior, including our reactions to others.

Of course, there are things we can’t alter such as height, eye color, and skin color. Learning to accept and love ourselves is important. Only then can the work to improve begin.

And how do you know what to adjust? By studying your behavior. Figuring out what makes you tick means understanding your emotions, moods, and drives. What punches your button? How does your behavior affect others? What behaviors are not working? How can you approach a similar situation differently?

A code of ethics is important. How are you planning to live your life? Here are some great ones: honesty, fairness, leadership, integrity, compassion, respect, responsibility, loyalty, and law-abiding. Please add to this list.

One error some people make is to believe whatever happens to them is someone else’s fault. It may or may not be. Examining the facts and assessing your behavior will clarify the situation. If you contributed to it, take responsibility.

*** We all like to order others around and have things go the way we want. But guess what? You can’t control everything and the sooner you learn this, the happier you will be.

Sometimes you need to stand up for yourself; sometimes you need to walk away—possibly run. Try to analyze the situation and make the best choice.

This doesn’t mean you should let others totally control you. In all relationships, give and take should exist. I subscribe to the Goldilocks philosophy, not too much, not too little, but just right.

If you are in a relationship with no give and take, please reexamine it. Something’s not right. If, after working with the other person, a balance is not restored, it may be time to move on.

Marie W. Watts, former human resource consultant and trainer, has assembled a collection of tools for better living into a condensed book, RiRi’s Advice To The Grands. (RiRi is her grandma name.) These tools for life contributed to the popularity of the textbook she co-authored, Human Relations 4ed., by Dalton, Hoyle, and Watts. First published in 1990, the book still garners worldwide sales. Additionally, these skills have been presented to adult learners in business settings.