That Little Voice

I was once a runner. Not a jogger, but a runner. And I thought there was a distinction between the two.

For the life of me, I don’t remember why I thought being a runner was better than being considered a jogger. Who cared, and why did I?

It was an ego thing. Runners held more status than mere joggers, or so I thought. Which makes me wonder about job titles and how important they are, and how we place such emphasis on our titles.

Is a doctor more important than a short order cook? Or, am I better or smarter or more capable if I’m a banker rather than a garbage collector?

Why do we put such emphasis on where we went to school, or how much money we make? What kind of car we drive, where we live?

Retirement often strips us of our vision of ourselves. What we did to make a living becomes less important as we distance ourselves from the work we did. I was a teacher or a judge or a rancher or a secretary or an actor, but who am I today? Most of us shed those clothes of past lives and struggle to figure out who we are without a title.

What do I bring to the table of friendship now? No matter how much money I’ve accumulated or how many homes I own, is that what defines me now? Am I less or more because of what I did at age 42 or 56?

Certainly, the experiences I lived through shaped my life and my perspective, but am I what I did?

I think not.

Today, few people ask me what career I pursued. Even fewer want to know details about how I once lived. What is important is who and what I am today.

As I’ve come to know new people, I’m amazed not about what they did, but more importantly, what they contribute to their neighbors, if they bring smiles to the faces around them, are they kind, do they value people, and do they listen.

I am lucky to be 80 years old, still able to walk, laugh, cry, and throw out those old images of myself I worked so hard to maintain. It’s nice to just be me, and surround myself with others who also want to just be themselves.

My running days are over and I can shake my head and wonder what the difference is between jogging and running. Oh, the effort I went through to project my self-importance.