Humming: Batteries Not Included

In this time of political unrest in the United States, a friend mentioned humming and the various known and unknown benefits it supposedly offers one’s mental health.

Don’t call me a skeptic, but what could hummers possibly gain by breathing deeply, closing their mouths, and pushing air and noise out through their noses?

I’m not against humming unless, of course, I am traveling from level one to level 115 in a slow elevator with someone attempting to calm her nerves through facial vibration.

By floor 22, I’m a bit irritated. By floor 31, the “bit” has disappeared. By floor 57, I’m hoping the hummer forgets to breathe.

Floor 96 comes and goes, with the tone of her hum climbing an octave, probably because of the expression on my face.

By the time I reach my designated floor, I’m insisting all elevators be equipped with humming mufflers.

With this mental picture lodged in my brain, I decided to research the benefits, disadvantages, and possible opportunities associated with taking up humming. After consulting Wikipedia, Alexa, Siri, and, of course, artificial intelligence, I discovered humming may:

• Calm your nervous system while driving everyone around you nuts.

• Improve breathing by lengthening your exhale, unless someone nearby is threatening bodily harm.

• Ventilate your sinuses.

• Warm and strengthen your voice.

• Lift your mood if you hum a comforting, familiar song, but probably not the tune playing when your marriage ended.

• Encourage better posture when sitting upright with your shoulders relaxed.

• Require no musical ability or cash. Humming is generally safe, but apparently one can overdo it. Humming too loudly may cause hoarseness or throat tension. Excessive breath-holding can make you light-headed, and prolonged humming may irritate the driver of a vehicle, particularly during a trip lasting longer than 30 minutes.

If you wish to try humming as a tool for relaxation, breathing, or sinus airflow, sit comfortably, inhale through your nose, and hum gently as you slowly breathe out. Keep your jaw, throat, and shoulders relaxed.

I checked, and unlike most wellness remedies, humming is free but unavailable from Amazon in an oversized box. Around election time, however, Pocket Hums may appear in stores, shelved between the bottled sighs and travel-sized serenity.

Batteries are not included, and once released, a hum may lodge in your brain and refuse to leave.

Learning about humming has been such a relief. I don’t need an app, a membership, a prescription, or assembly instructions. I can simply settle into my comfortable chair, close my mouth, and hummmmm.