About Civility

To the Editor:

I am very concerned about how we get along with our neighbors who have significantly different views about political and social matters.

I was tempted to say I would like to persuade you to be more polite to neighbors who have different political convictions. However, I realize full well that I cannot persuade you. Only you can do that. You remember the old saying ‘A person convinced against his will is of the same opinion still’.

I want to bring a few facts to your attention and ask you to spend a few serious moments later thinking about them.

First, expressing disdain for the opinions of others is strongly counterproductive. No one likes to be personally criticized or called stupid. The inevitable reaction to our making such remarks is disgust by our listeners, ignoring what we are saying, or concentrating on identifying our stupidities.

Second, the people with whom we disagree are mostly people who contribute much to the successful daily life in our community. Making enemies of them only hurts ourselves.

Third, continued successful operation of our community, our state and our nation depends on some ability to reach some agreement with others about how to manage our affairs. We have only to look at the many places worldwide where political and social unrest have ruined and in many cases cost lives, to see what fate awaits us if we disagree incessantly. Successful, happy and productive lives for us and our country depend critically on our working peaceably together with most others to make decisions and resolve at least some of our differences so that this can continue to be by far the best place in the world to live.

Fourth, each of us must not imagine that she or he knows all the answers and never makes mistakes. We can benefit, often greatly, by learning from friends and acquaintances who see things somewhat differently from the way we do. We can seldom learn from others whom we regard as bitter enemies. For that matter, we can never learn from anyone else if we never listen to dissenting views.

I urge you to consider making friends with others with whom you disagree. This doesn’t require you to abandon your views, or to cease promoting them. It does require that you stop criticizing others personally, refusing to associate with them, and never listening civilly to what they would like to say civilly.

A good example of something worth listening to and taking seriously is Eric Green’s letter in the October 1 issue of the FCR, “About Free Speech.” He makes a lot of good points, which I endorse.

There is no telling how you might benefit from shaking hands over the back fence.

F. Arnold Romberg

La Grange