The Coffee Legend

The Coffee Legend has been told around campfires for so many years that it is hard to figure out how much is history, and how much is the imagination of lonesome goat herders who tell tall tales on dark nights when the moon is round and full. The following is an effort to share the real story, before the true facts are blown away by the desert winds: Years ago, in Ethiopia, a young man named Caldi, a goat herder. was a curious kind of guy. In fact, if Caldi had not been so curious, this Coffee story could not be told. Tired folks all over the world would still be oversleeping, would be late for work, and would be scratching their heads, wondering why coffee had not yet been invented. Folks would still need a “wake’em-up” drink that would jump-start their sleepy engines every morning!

Caldi wondered across the hills and mountains seeking good pasture for his flock. One day as Caldi and his goats were roaming about, they spied a patch of green plants that were covered with beautiful, shining, dark, beans. Caldi’s goats rushed pellmell into the middle of the plants and began to eat them. Goats were not fond of eating the leaves, but they really pigged-out eating the beans. They loved them! Then something astonishing began to happen.

Instead of being tired and going to sleep in the shade after lunch, the goats kicked up their heels with vigor; they were spirited, frisky, playful, and jumping with joy!

In fact, the goats were so energetic and happy that Caldi tried to eat some of the beans himself, but the beans were hard to chew, and were quite bitter. After that day, Caldi’s goats were always “on the hunt” searching for more of those wonderful beans. Because Caldi was so curious, he simply had to find out the mystery of the beans, why the goats loved them so much and why they never got tired when they ate them.

To find the answers, Caldi went to church. Caldi was certain that he would find the answers at the House of God! The kindly priest listened patiently to Caldi’s story; then took some of the beans to see if he could discover a holy purpose for them. He recalled a Bible verse in the Book of Wisdom.

What could be the purpose for those beans? The priest thought they might be baked, or cooked, in some manner and used as a healing tonic. As testing proceeded to find possible uses for the beans, the wise priest began to think about the many times when he and his prayer warriors needed to pray all night over urgent matters, times when they needed to stay alert and not fall asleep in the middle of the prayers. To their credit, the priest and the other “men of the cloth” made a series of tests: baking, toasting, grinding and boiling the beans, until at last they discovered, by trial and error, that when they roasted the beans first, before grinding them, a pleasant, dark drink could be brewed that was not only beneficial for staying alert for all night prayers, but they also discovered that a cup of the hot, bubbling liquid was also jump-start support for morning prayers as well! They called it “coffee.”

So, coffee was born in Ethiopia, a gift from God to mankind. Thanks be to the Lord! Thanks also to Caldi, his frisky goats, a team of prayer warriors and a wise priest, who did finally solve the mystery of coffee and the purpose for coffee beans was unveiled at last! The only clear purpose for coffee, as substantiated by their findings, revealed the following results: “Coffee was sent to mankind to help folks stay awake during prayers!” Coffee has been around for a long time since that day, but it is still impossible to find many other positive benefits for it, except for prayer. You may have heard that coffee is helpful for lumbago, dandruff, ingrown toenails, crossed-eyes and split infinitives, but I submit to you that all that stuff has been soundly proven to be inaccurate, unfounded, and maybe unconstitutional as well. Another doubtful myth insists that coffee has been used experimentally in the animal world as treatment for distemper, blind staggers and slobbering fits, but all of the evidence that has been scraped up so far, regarding dogs, cats, billy goats and chickens has been badly misconstrued and should be discounted. Don’t waste your coffee on any of the above mentioned animals (pigs and rabbits either).

However, God seems to smile on coffee! Why? Because coffee goes to church every Sunday morning, and never misses! Walk in any church door, front or back, and follow your nose. The fragrance of coffee usually leads right to a group of worshippers, with their heads bowed, holding empty cups, as they wait patiently for their turn at the coffee urn. Hallelujah! Amen.

Verta Brown Lives in La Grange